This blog is personal & raw and cannot be written at a better time for October Baby loss awareness week. I am not a person who often opens up about my personal life, but i want to raise awareness and support others.
This question was asked only 2 weeks after giving birth to my daughter. 4 years on this question still seems to slip out of other mums mouths.
Some women do not want children, some want one and some want a 101. But before you ask the question :
“ So when you having another one ? “
“ When are you having a baby ?”
Please consider what emotional and personal battles that person is going through. I would love a 101 mini versions of me, however it seems that this is not going to be the case.
I assumed that when I started to grow a small human I would glow, I'd be like Mary Poppins with a bump. Id have a maternity shoot ,wear floaty floral dresses and be super healthy.
Well unfortunately this has not been the case, I have suffered with a deliberating illness called Hyperemesis Gravidarum (#hyperemesisgravidarum) this means that you are incapacitated. Entrapped in your own body. Imagine having Noro Virus for 24hrs/48hrs How awful you feel ? not being able to eat or drink . Now imagine that everyday from the minute your body detects you are pregnant. I suffered this with my daughter for 5 months I was so poorly, in and out of hospital unable to work. But the end result was obviously so worth it.
Some maybe are aware I have been very poorly of late and the reason being I was growing a small human, and at 5 weeks like a bolt of lightning this horrible illness took hold again. Hyperemesis completely takes over your life . It is such a debilitating and all consuming condition . I was unable to lead any type of life, lost my independence due to needing care, was unable to enjoy being pregnant and became dependent on my family and medication . The isolation and misunderstanding of the condition made the vomiting harder to deal with. Still many have no idea what this is, assume you are suffering with " Morning Sickness" vomitting 15- 20 times a day is not morning sickness.
Your body can handle a couple of days of 24/7 sickness but when it gets to week 1 your body gives up a little and mentally you lose yourself to pure sadness and despair.
Motion, noise , light , smells anything triggers you. You cant sleep , yet your so exhausted. Breathing becomes hard, you are out of breath all of the time. Palpitations, headaches, sore throat the list is endless. I was bed bound for nearly 3.5 weeks unable to move. Anti Nausea medication was issued and Drs trips made, but nothing really holds this horrible illness back.
There is ongoing studies into why some women suffer this and I for one cannot wait for more to be discovered as I hate to think of other woman suffering this. It is psychologically and physically scarring . I plan on raising awareness of Hyperemesis and raise funds within 2019 to continue to support those who have made it their mission to stop it.
Sadly this situation just gets worst. At 10 weeks and after 5 weeks of being away from the world and so sick that I was unable to cuddle my little girl, devastation hit when I lost the little one I was growing. At any stage of pregnancy, loss is not easy and has not been.
I would like to personally thank, all my customers who have been so patient with my current absence . I am now in the process of getting well and catching up.
But next time you have the urge to ask a women the question, think ! please… as lucky & grateful I am for my beautiful princess. My heart will be forever broken that I will not be having any more . My body most definitely cannot go through this all again.
Please do visit HG support and see all the great things they are doing. Lets help future women rid this. :https://www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk/help/women-suffering/hyperemesis-gravidarum
Love to all who have ever suffered with HG or loss XXXXxx Kim Xxxxx